Happy 21st birthday, son. I got you just what you wanted

Written by Cindy Nevitt Friday, September 21, 2012 01:00 am

Today, my son turns 21.

I have spent the last few weeks trying to think of a suitable gift to buy him, something that commemorates such a momentous occasion.

I have failed.

The first obstacle in my quest was my son himself. He pretty much bought his own gifts.

He chose a new backpack from the bookstore at Stockton when we went to the campus in July to pay his fall 2012 tuition. He said his old backpack, from early in his high school career, was kaput. The new backpack was a cool blue in color and had an insulated pocket for storing his brown-bag lunches.

Not long after we’d paid his fall tuition, on a mission to buy his textbooks for the upcoming semester, my son took “the long way” home from Stockton and detoured through the Hamilton Mall. He bought trendy jeans at Hot Topic and four T-shirts of questionable taste at Spencer’s. My Kohl’s sensibilities were offended.

Then he needed “good headphones” for his music and some tool from the hardware store for his job.

In other recent retail therapy outings, he’s purchased a baseball cap – probably his 30th, I’ve frankly lost count and I know he has, too – and the latest Madden X-box game, assuring me these items are just what he wanted for his birthday.

My wish had been to give him something more significant than a video game that will be replaced with version 2014 next year. I was thinking along the lines of a gift that would reflect the gravity of the moment, like the 18-karat rope bracelet he received for his high school graduation. I was trying to think of something that would last a lifetime and always have meaning.

The fact that I came up empty-handed, I have decided, is more the fault of the birthday year than my lack of imagination. Well, that, and my budget, which has taken a $450 hit before the big day has even arrived.

In trying to come up with something worthy of this milestone birthday, I started asking: What, really, is the big deal with 21?

At 13, a child becomes a teen. At 16, in New Jersey, that teen can obtain a driver’s permit. At 17, that teen can become a licensed driver. At 18, that teen becomes an adult, able to vote and able to go to war. At 19, that teen can legally buy cigarettes, which is a dubious distinction indeed.

What, really, sets 21 apart? Is it the ability to buy and consume alcohol in public? This is what we’re celebrating? As the matriarch of a household of BYOB-supporting voters, I have no problem with giving people of age the right to buy good bottled beer and drink it in public. I just question why it’s worth celebrating with a 21-shot salute that can result in alcohol poisoning.

Twenty-one is also the age at which one can legally gamble in a casino. Again, this is what we’re making such a fuss over? The ability to play card games for money?

In the last few months, I have purchased a few items and put them aside to give to my son today, but I’ve got nothing more significant squirreled away than the kind of merchandise he’s bought for himself and for which he’s given me the credit card bill.

The fact that I haven’t been able to come up with anything remarkable has disappointed me, but I suspect it won’t bother the birthday boy. I’m going to rely on the strong possibility that after a celebratory night out with his friends, he’s not going to be sober enough to realize his 21st birthday gift doesn’t measure up to those of previous years.

We’ll see when we go out to dinner tonight.

If I’m wrong, there’s always Christmas, right?

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