It’s 2013! Here are your resolutions

Written by Cindy Nevitt Friday, December 28, 2012 01:00 am

Because the world did not end last week, I am faced with the unexpected task of making New Year’s resolutions. Since I’m unprepared to make them for myself, I’m going to make them for other people.

For my daughter, my resolution is a job that has meaning. After earning two undergraduate degrees, two minors and one master’s degree in six years, she is in dire need of a challenge greater than answering the phone and typing memos.

Also, an impressive GRE score and acceptance to a PhD program that combines criminal justice with forensic psychology, even if it means moving to Nebraska, where the state’s top exports are cereal grains and serial killers. Or Cornhuskers and beef. I’m not real clear on that.

For my son, my resolution is an early college graduation. Two more semesters of five classes apiece and he’ll receive his diploma in December 2013 instead of June 2014, saving a semester and thousands of dollars in tuition. This will give him, as a theater major, a jumpstart on his life as a starving artist.

For my husband, my resolution is a sense of urgency to throw out the tons of newspapers that were flooded by 5 feet of water in the garage during Sandy. The leisurely pace (translation: total inertia) he is employing will not get the garage clean by the next end of the world.

For the four-legged members of the family, my resolution is better behavior all around, which would pretty much be the definition of teaching an old dog new tricks since the dogs are 10, 9 and 6, or 70, 63 and 42 in dog years.

For the Shiba Inu, my resolution is that he stops shedding such copious amounts of hair. I could make another dog a day out of what I vacuum up from this 17-pound ball of fluff.

For the tiny Chihuahua: An awareness that 5 pounds is not a good fighting weight for taking on trash trucks and school buses.

For the other Chihuahua: An awareness of anything. That dog is pretty dumb. Sweet and lovable, but dumb nonetheless. She is proof that in-breeding is a bad idea.

For all the residents of low-lying and flood-prone areas in Ocean City: My resolution is that you have patience. Resolve to wait a decent interval between the time Sandy struck and the time you start taking your complaints of flooding to the city or the media. I know you’re frustrated that puddles form in your driveway when a dark cloud passes over, but your problems are a drop in the bucket compared to those citywide at this time.

I sympathize with you. I live in Merion Park, one of the most afflicted neighborhoods on the island, and I’m well acquainted with having to move my car every time high tide occurs in conjunction with a northeast wind, a rainstorm, an alignment of the planets or the dawning of another day, but I do not think nearly enough time has passed since Sandy’s destructive flooding to talk about what the city considers “nuisance flooding.” Complaining about that kind of flooding now is going to look like self-indulgent whining.

For misguided state leaders and community activists: My resolution is you get your head out of the sand you think should be the sole responsibility of shore town residents to maintain and operate.

For Ocean City’s elected officials: My resolution is a continuation of the great service you are providing the town in the aftermath of Sandy. Eight weeks after the storm, some of my neighbors were visiting their damaged homes for the first time, and stacking enormous piles of trash at the curb. Before I could drive over another errant nail and get another flat tire (three and counting), the debris was picked up.

For my favorite pizza places, Mario’s and Piccini: My resolution is that your damaged businesses are repaired as quickly as possible and that you reopen soon. I am not a fan of making my own, frozen is not an option, store bought is best not bought, and I am craving a fried eggplant parmigiana pie from Mario’s, and white clam and garlic from Piccini.

For my bosses at The Gazette: My resolution is your continued appreciation of my uncanny ability to break news stories.

For my readers: My resolution is to keep your interest and keep you reading. There’s no sense in writing if you’re not reading.

Cindy Nevitt’s New Year’s resolution is to recycle her Lenten sacrifice and give up open frames in bowling.